It hasn't been easy, but I'm not giving up!

I've been MIA for months now. After countless tries to come back, I've failed every single time, and I owe you all an apology and a big thanks for being patient!

This is my comeback.

I'm writing this article because there has been so much going on that can't be summed up in a tweet. I think you guys deserve to know what's been going on, where I'm currently at in my learning journey, and some lessons I've learned along the way. This way, you guys hopefully get a better understanding of why I've been so absent despite the endless support y'all have given me and also get some advice from the mistakes I've made.

The tech community has been really supportive since the very beginning, and I'm super grateful, so I think it's only fair for me to give y'all an update.

What the hell happened?!

It's quite a long story that involves getting laid off, a big ego, followed by imposter syndrome, and not knowing WTF to do anymore. My story ends on somewhat a good note, so don't feel too bad for me yet.

Getting laid off sucks

I got laid off from my first tech job a couple of months ago and it fucking sucked. Of course, at the moment, I wasn't too worried about it because I thought, "Well, at least I got my foot in the door, getting another job won't be too hard."

Well, I was WRONG. My pinky toe wasn't even touching the fucking door.

At that point in time, I had somewhat of a big ego; I was confident, and I thought getting another job would be easy-peasy, as the first time is always the hardest. I also had some good ass tech money saved up, so I also decided to move out of my parents' home.

All this happened kind of simultaneously, so you probably know how this went.

Failed interviews

I wasn't worried though, because I thought my networking skills and social media would be an advantage. But, rejected interview after rejected interview, I realized this was getting pretty bad.

This is when I realized it takes a lot more than networking to get a job, and that having good technical skills is more important than I actually thought.

I previously believed that companies are willing to overlook a lack of technical skills if you have great soft skills, but this wasn't the case. Every interview I had told me I was a great fit but lacked technical skills.

By the way, the main reason I lacked technical skills despite being hired at my first job is that I was first hired 5 months into my learning journey. It was awesome and a great opportunity, but the shit I learned in those 5 months was just basic HTML, CSS, and JavaScript. Nothing more. It was nowhere near junior level, so it wasn't a coding job. It was more of a writing/marketing job, and I took it so that I could make my break in the tech industry.

Anyways, hiring a junior is a huge investment, so most companies weren't willing to take that huge risk. Especially when the junior lacks technical skills, and still has a lot to learn.

This lead to countless of attempts to get more technical; I was studying every day, and trying to build projects that I wasn't able to finish...which leads to my next point: imposter syndrome.

Imposter syndrome

Although I was getting a few gigs here and there, most were contracting jobs for developer relations and technical writing. I was doing my job, and at the same time studying so that I could get an even better job as a developer.

I wanted to code.

Trying to make a living while studying a bunch of shit definitely gets overwhelming. I started to think that this was an impossible task. Also, at this point, I haven't touched code in a long time, so not being able to remember shit I've previously learned was a huge setback.

A combination of not having enough time to learn, forgetting everything I've known, and not being able to get a job I wanted was really getting to me. I didn't think I could do it.

This is where I started panicking; I tried re-learning front-end development again, and when that wasn't working out, I tried design, then AWS, etc. Trying to learn different technologies as soon as possible and failing to do so worsened my imposter syndrome.

No portfolio

Another thing that fucking sucked was not having a portfolio, despite having the experience. After my first tech job, I was mostly working in technical writing and developer relations, but I couldn't write those in my resume. This is because I signed NDAs.

So, there was no physical way to prove I did what I did. Obviously I wasn't engineer-level technical and I wasn't coding, but I knew my technical shit. I wrote documentation and technical articles that I couldn't show.

These reasons mostly are the reason I was MIA. Too mentally tired to deal with social media and I didn't have much time on my hands. But, I want to share my journey with y'all again, and I thought sharing my failures would be a great start.

What I've learned

As much as this sucked, I can't say I haven't learned a few lessons. I've learned a lot through these hardships, which inspired me to write this article and start my journey again, the right way.

Here are a few things I've learned so far:

Be a self-starter

I think the most important takeaway for me is to be a self-starter. I'm not a self-starter and I'm not a leader. My personality just doesn't work that way. I like lurking in the shadows and doing what I'm told; I'm naturally a follower.

That's where I fucked up.

In any tech company, you gotta be a self-starter and take initiative. Accept new challenges, familiarize yourself with how your company/team is structured and how they do things, find solutions to problems, collaborate, set and achieve goals...the list can go on and on.

Any company will value a self-starter that is motivated and ambitious. Also, that's the only way you'll grow. Doing only what you're told is the bare minimum, and won't help you grow. You'll most likely stay in the same place you started at, doing the same shit every day, which is boring and demotivating. Get out there and think about how you can help your teammates, and improve your work/company and yourself.

You can never go wrong with communicating

This is something my old boss used to tell me all the time.

Truth is, I sucked at communicating. I thought that just delivering what I was supposed to do was enough, but it never is.

You can never go wrong with communicating.

Nobody knows what you're doing, especially in a remote environment. Nobody knows if you're currently working on X assignment, or thinking of doing XYZ, unless you tell them.

There are no stupid ideas (at least in a healthy work environment), so don't be afraid to share them and get feedback on them as well.

Share that idea you thought about while you were showering and take initiative once they give you the go. Share what you want to do, your plans and your goals.

Share that project you're working on, and give them an ETA. Or, tell them what's gotten you stuck and that you've tried XYZ solutions, but it hasn't worked.

You can never go wrong with communicating.

What I'm currently doing

I've been lost for too long to finally know what I want, how to achieve it, and what to do next.

I'm currently at a company where I write technical documentation, but I want to become a developer.

I want to code and share my ideas on how to improve a certain feature and give my input based on my previous marketing experience.

I'm currently back and will finish learning full stack web development, currently re-learning OOP.

I will be working on being more active on my social media, and sharing more about what I'm learning, any tips, advice, etc.

Thank you and please bear with me while I give myself another chance to code.

---

Check out my Twitter for more!